So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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