i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
