I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
