They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
