Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
