He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
