walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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