The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
