I am midnight drunk by noon
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
