Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
