Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
