Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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