Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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