He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dicks are not precious.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
