the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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