Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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