Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
