at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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