I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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