Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
