Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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