Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
