Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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