i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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