This girl is more easily done than said...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
