I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
