SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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