my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
