We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
