You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
