My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
