The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
