I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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