dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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