if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
