Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
