I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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