I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
