i used baking grease as lip gloss
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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