If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
