I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sober January is a disaster.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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