"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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