I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
