i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
