I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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