Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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