Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
