I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
