This is not my ceiling
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
