oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize