So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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