I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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