This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
