just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night