dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.