I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money