dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can I color on your dick again?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF