And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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