It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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