i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
