he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize