Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
