the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
