We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
