Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
