You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
