If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
