Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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